In the margins.
A collection of poems and unfinished thoughts. These words live somewhere between journal entries and stories, exploring memory, longing, grief, and the small moments that shape a life.
Low Light
I’ve been living in low light lately
It’s heavier here and hazy
Denial and distractions daze me
And its misery I’ve been maintaining
My reasonings keep rearranging
I’ve been living in low light lately
Will mention myself only vaguely
Cause its easier than explaining
Why my words are constantly reframing
Where’s Peace and Joy I’m waiting
Tell myself I’m done complaining
Then tomorrow comes and I’m still hesitating
Can’t catch my breath, can’t move on
And I’m not sure where it went wrong
So
I’ve been living in low light lately
It’s heavier here but maybe
I’ll find my footing finally
Cause no one is coming to save me
Proof of life
I’m on the hunt for proof of life
In half filled journals, stalled traffic lights
But that’s not good enough anymore
So I bought a flight
To find what I’m missing
Or maybe just see the sights
Proof of life looks different now
In cups of coffee, and draglines of ink
Trying to learn about the shapes that form me
While getting to know the girl underneath
And forgiving the person she wanted to be
Sometimes I wont talk to my mom for a few weeks
Then ‘are you alive’ is all that she writes
And I have trouble sleeping on those nights
She asking me for proof of life
And for a minute I am ready to recite
But honestly I’m not in the mood
Cause my honesty might come out rude
So I guess we’re both searching for proof of life
She’s checking for a pulse
I’m looking for a sign
She’s asking if I’m breathing
I’m asking what it means to be alive.
Looking Back from the Boat
The waters almost clear
And I can see the bottom of all my fears
The current pulls me around the bend
Another me I couldn’t mend
The boat rocked gently
When I heard it behind me
And turned around
Their echos carried almost loud
Memory’s I’m forced to seek
Just bellow the surface
They’ll be with me
Every breath I breathe
Looking back from the boat
I’m all alone
Looking back from the boat
I’ll never know
I turn my head and let it pass
Just look around the bend
Ahead
Another me i did not end
The waters steady
The current pulls me
My past is heavy
Set me free
The cost of being alive
Every hallway, every corner I turn into has a tollbooth
Every step forward asking what are you willing to lose
When I look to what was once true it all comes lose like promises we swore we knew
People marching have you seen the news, politicians talking voices worn through
People screaming left on mute, if unchecked power is what we do
Then who am I to you another dollar to misuse
Life’s not free it takes from you, every breathe is overdue
Yet I’m still searching for the fuse and contemplating what I’ll do.
I Miss The Weather
I try to keep myself busy
But my thoughts keep circling back
Keeps taking me to the place I left you
My bags all packed
Wondering will I miss you
Eighteen years of condemnation
Only five relearning how to breathe
Still waiting on the realization
I can live in peace
It’s strange how you linger still
Your shadow’s stuck on me
Looking back I dont miss much
But I think I miss the weather,
The summer air, our long brown hair
The days before I knew
That safety isn’t rare
But I dont miss you
Maybe I do
I dont miss you
Yet I find myself missing
The mother you should have been
I dont miss you but I’m still your kid
So I think of the weather
Then tuck it away
For the next rainy day.
Milkweed and Matchsticks
In the backseat of your car
You were driving
going on about the life you wanna start
I dont believe you but you play the part so well
Said you dont like me one afternoon
Well I dont like me its the same old tune
And life moves slowly while I hide in my room
Careless words fall from your mouth
I stand silent couldn’t get it out
My mothers violence left only doubt
I learned defiance and blocked it out
Just took a spark to burn it down
I watched the flames till they went dark
Hoping you might finally take the blame
But your the same
And now I’m grown
Driving in my car
Staring ahead but there you are
Always reminding me of what you said
It’s been years it still lives in my head
And its the same old tune
Life moves slowly waiting on you
Fade
Dropped out the end of 12th grade
He had a baby on the way
But growing up that fast started the cascade
I watch it back on replay
It’s all you left for me
The hopeless, hollow parade
You drink and drink and drink
Your days away
But now I’m twenty three
Still watching you
All your color has faded to gray
The man I once knew is drifting away
And I know its strange
But I still hope to hear from you everyday
So when I miss you the most I run to the sea
I look to the water, that’s where he’ll be
This is all you left me
And memories fade
But what can I do if you won’t meet me half way
So I search the ocean for things you didn’t say
I’m still so afraid I’ll lose you someday.
Lessons in pink
From birth they mark us
Pink crib, Pink fee
A lifetime surcharge
For the body they see
Placed on a shelf
Told dont make a fuss
Smile please
Fall into line
Girls shouldn’t ask why
Or look in his eyes
He wants to decide
If her choice is unwise
So he’s hidden the keys
Tightened every jar
While the little ones learn to appease
It wont be discussed
So cover the beast
Keep the table dressed
Still he takes his fill
At the feast.